Monday, December 29, 2008
So in the end I didn't get played I just had to be patient and guess what...HONEST...and I got what I wanted. I hope it's what I wanted!! You never know with me though. I'm really going to write a book when I get older. The world needs to know my inner struggles...cause I know there's someone out there who thinks just like me they just haven't realized it haha.
I finished my New Years outfit..fierce...I love it!!! You'll love it too...pics soon haha!!
*New Years is approaching watch out...cause I have my outfit ready and it's fierce!!!* See you soon!!!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
But let me say, we are not a bunch of bums lol. I was rereading what I wrote and that can sound pretty deceiving. We all have jobs, make our money, stay on our grind, and make shit happen lol. Don't sleep on it. Thanks!!
Jumping ot another topic however, with this new found me I have been safely putting myself out on the line when it comes to guys. I had a conversation with Man last night and I said some things that will probably spark a heated discussion later on in the near future. I'm trying to stay level-headed in the situation and not get caught up but I'm starting to like him and my emotions are kind of acting all wacky. I hate this shit honestly. Like all the butterflies and that good stuff have faded lol...a sign that a girl has passed the infatuation stage haha. But, I'm approaching this situation with precaution...WHY...because I refuse to get played and I told him that. Was I wrong? I don't think so, I was being completely honest. We'll see what happens?!?! Anywho...New Years is coming up I'm not making any resolutions for the first time...I'm starting today. I'm just going to continue being me...YAY...I don't think I will fail at this one...and this will be the first resolution I follow through with!!! Go me!!!
I took a picture of my new haircut (with the extensions of course lol) and this is how it came out!! You like!!
Friday, December 19, 2008
I've decided to don snow as an oxymoron; it's pretty as hell and makes you feel all warm and fuzzy when your inside a house, but when you go outside it becomes the spawn of Satan. GREAT!!! So I shall stay inside.
I'll probably have twelve more blogs up because if it. I also will be constantly reminded that my camera is broke and I am a lost soul without it. SInce I've been home there have been about twenty occassions for me to take pictures...but I didn't...because I'm cameraless. I got a new haircut and stuff...couldn't even post that. Life sucks!! Good thing Chrsitmas is around the corner. Now I can get the pink camera I've always wanted lol. Good shit!!!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Due to unforeseen circumstances however; too many drunken nights, busy days trying to create a life fit for a college student, chasing unwanted love, and running away from a love I couldn't handle anymore I kind of lost my vision. College is so weird..like you're there to do what you want yet you get sidetracked and your vision gets altered. I plan on staying on track though. I'm starting y being a mentor next semester. I feel if I keep myself surrounded by my goals I won't stray away from it. Great start Jasmine!!!
And as for the earlier post today I'm too pretty to be bitter. I know deep down inside I'm going to RUN INTO the person I should be with. So, once again I'm not looking, just living and learning. Come find me...later on in life!!!
He cheated the summer before we got to college, I found out the end of the first semester, and we broke up the beginning of our sophomore year. I realized today I'm still not over it. I'm actually really bitter about it in a secretive way. No one would ever realize that they hurt, but I'm human and in fact get hurt a lot, and I'm starting to become more open about it.
So how do I feel? Honestly, speaking if I ever ran into any of the GIRLS...yes girls...I will still fight them. Not because they are at fault which they weren't because they didn't know about me until he was about to conveniently leave them and be with me, but because it will make me feel better, and in my eyes I am the only person that matters in the situation. I fought him already, maced him actually, and I'm still pissed. Why? The girls are still in the picture. Even though I don't know to what extent it still hurts like shit.
Being the psych major I am I know why which makes it a little easier for me to cope with. I had, have, always will have trust issues. I just do, that guard that everyone puts up to keep from getting hurt, my shit is impenetrable. But he got through. How I have absolutely no idea, but I will find out lol. Then he fucked me up. (I curse a lot when I'm speaking of real, true feelings about myself...I apologize if your offended) I've been cheated on before...which honestly I just don't understand...like I really don't...and up until now I haven't come up with any possible explanation but greed...absurd. I'm venting now...listen if you want. =) But really, I cook, I'm clean, never been pregnant, no STD's (nor have I ever had one), I'm pretty, smart, confident, easy to talk to, open about pretty much anything (except cheating), I can hold my own, I'm good in bed lol (might sound skanky but honestly we all know that it matters so hell...I'm good and I know it), the list goes on and they are all honest, true characteristics. Yet, you still feel the need to stray away from the goodness you had. Hmppphhhh...I just don't understand?!
Thanks for letting me vent...but back to the complexities of my mind. After I found out, I was left with nothing to hold on to because as you remember my guard was down and somewhere chilling with my feet...nowhere near my heart where it should have been. You know how your mind and heart feel different things...I struggle with that everyday. It should be an illness honestly...so for my heart's stupid actions, my mind has to teach it a lesson. So I feel the need to accurately depict every action, thought, interruption with my phone calls and texts to know what he did that entire summer. Fucked up isn't it? Now I have these vivid accounts of sex in the back of the car, and "caking" put in to fuck these bitches. Like really tho? BETRAYAL to the fullest.
I want to say whatever but we all know that would be a lie, I'll probably never get over it, but it's getting a little easier to deal with. I'm a fantasy thinker...like I honestly want a fairytale ending in life, and I found it with him. I probably could have still had it had I stayed with him. But, when I perceived it in the beginning it didn't involve him cheating on me, so I couldn't stay.
I must say that although I'm hurt and all that stuff...I don't hold guys accountable for past people's faults...GREAT...anymore cause I don't feed into the hype that all men are dogs; they really aren't. They just have fucked up control issues lol. If they get that in tact women and men would be at peace.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
But, yeah the road trip was superb, we even stopped to eat at Golden Corral...SUCCESS...and to top it off..guess what?! They had cheddar biscuits. What the f*$#!!! Yes, and they were on Red Lobster's status. I almost fell out my chair. But, let me point out that Vicky and I noticed that we looked really out of place in Virginia. It was like we were in a time warp that had us stuck in 1995 because everyone looked real bland and stuff. We were in there with our skinny's and Spelman attire (representing) with our slouchy boots thanks to Macy's and we were getting weird looks despite the farmish attire surrounding us. But nonetheless, I'll take the food, not the clothes and keep it moving. Great!!!!
So yeah I'm here...about to surprise my mommy and go home early. It's going to be great. Don't you just love when you come home and everyone misses you and you're a star for about a day lol. Good stuff...at least in my eyes...you know I'm spoiled. But, more to come later...shower time!!!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
One person in particular I'm actually really glad I don't like him...I don't have to deal with the drama that surrounds him. Wonderful!!! De-dramatizing Jasmine's life always wonderful in my book!!!
I'm spending my last couple of hours in the A...but I'm eager to leave and get to spend some much needed time with one of the 2 that I actually like. As for the other one, Georgia shall be on my mind nonetheless. I really am a perfect imperfection!!! Gotta love it!!!
As I'm writing this he has finally fallen into a drunken slumber and my friends are playing tricks on him...priceless got to love it!!! =)
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Dancing. I love it. I really do. It's such an exhilarating feeling to be on the floor and let the music take you away. I might look pretty scandalous on the floor, but honestly, it's like a drug for me. Give me a little drank lol, and when my song comes on I just go. I start of with this little rock or sway if you will. It's real slow, kinda hood honestly lol, but that's how I start.
My friends and I were in the car today talking about this weekend, and they always hate on me about the way I dance. Due to the fact that I am not a hoe, a whore, or any of those other horrible words, I can openly admit that I dance pretty sexually. I've realized that because we listen to reggae up north my dancing reflects it, but when I come down here in the A I look a bit oversexed. I can deal with it...why...cause I have fun. I don't believe in going to a party, and limiting myself. It just doesn't make sense to me. So I dance.
I'm writing this blog in pain actually because I was dancing the other night. I really go hard, to the point my muscles get tight lol. But, it's all for the good...because once again I'm Doing Me Regardless!!! Dancing is my zone...so don't interrupt just enjoy!!!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Firstly, don't send random messages on facebook. This is some honest stuff, even though I usually do reply to my messages but it is just because I am a nice person...if I am short with my answers and don't offer any chance to start another conversation, that is just my politeness...it means that I don't want to talk to you. So don't keep sending messages every other day. It's pretty annoying.
Secondly, if you see me at a party and I am working it on the dance floor, which I always do by the way lol, don't pull me away to have a conversation. I didn't come to the party to talk to anyone, let alone you, so leave me alone and let me do my thing on the dancefloor.
Thirdly, do not proceed to give me a lap dance if it looks like I'm not enjoying it. I'll be honest I laugh at inoportune times; lap dances is one of them. If I'm laughing that means I'm enjoying it I just laugh to make myself comfortable. However, if my lips are poked out and I have a stern look on my face, no I am not REALLY into it or something; I want you to remove your body from mine but your to heavy for me to get away so I just sit there and look disgusted.
Fourthly (is that a word lol), it is now, don't text my friend and have a conversation about some non-existent relationship we could possibly have. Not cool at all!!
So yeah, basically, don't judge me or be angry I'm a cool girl but I'm honest and some people can't handle it. My feelings come first, because I am the keeper of my own happiness. I can not rely on a guy to supply my happiness anymore, they can only add to it if they please. I'm content with myself, I'm confident in my self, and if I come off as a bitch I really do apologize, but the way I see it, I have a lot to offer, so I should be allowed to pick what I want. Wouldn't you agree?
For the mister, I am a very independent person and I thrive off of myself honestly. I love a lot because basically I am the only person that hasn't let me down. I am really scared of smuggling, it's like I can't breathe or something. My emotions have the ability to change drastically, I can love you one day, and by the next week I'm ready to be ALONE!!! Complicated I know, but I'm finding myself remember, it's on my header.
I know some people are reading this and are thinking about me in disgust. I really don't care. But thanks for reading. =)
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Last night was pretty eventful. After a day of sleeping and redying my hair...FINALLY...I was looking cute and ready to go. So I went to the Glee Club party. Do not laugh or snicker cause I'm giving that party an A in delivery and substance. I was oh so surprised of what went down. I was very skeptical at first, didn't think much was going to happen. But, by 1 a.m. it was already going down. Gay, straight, round, and square, everyone was getting it in. I had so much fun lol. Sweated (that's my word if you try me too; sweated lol) my hair out; Vicki's actually flat-ironing it as I type...good looks Vicki-Sec's =). But, anyway like I said I would do last week I was able to give her her Christmas gift early. Yay me!! But, oh did it backfire...like hell. To the fullest....lmao! Pluto and Goofy are characters...and a certain someone who will remain nameless is on our shit list...he'll never know who he is but oh damn you and your forgetful ass. It was actually very funny...but not while the events were unfolding. We both were caught off guard...and quite talkative on the ride home and also really glad that we are cool enough to laugh shit off and take the loss like women....GREAT!!!
But on a personal level, I realized I am a really cool girl. Pluto and I had a sleepover lol and I realized things could have gotten pretty ugly...but Pluto is just that cool and so am I so I couldn't let it go down like that.
DOING ME REGARDLESS!!! and enjoying every minute of it... I love college and all it's little quirks and crevices ♥
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Why do I love Michelle so much...like the way I get all excited when I see her is the same feeling I get when I used to see Chris Brown. (no homo lol)I think it's so funny when guys say that. But anyways, I love the Obama's...I secretly want their girls to go to Spelman. I think that would be a wonderful thing =). So I will be getting that copy of Essence as soon as it hits the stands. January is looking up...shit '09 really.
What I am looking forward to before I turn 20...
1) Essence magazine
2) NOTORIOUS!!! (and I have a free movie ticket haha)
3) The Blueprint 3
4) my new body lol =) we've taken off for a couple of days tho
5) paying off my credit card bill...Lenox mall makes me act retarded
6) a priceless night that will start of my Spring semester just like Fall semester
*Twelve Nights is all I will say lol*
I've realized this was a pretty pointless post up until now...my friend Vicki just gave me something to talk about. She just told me what she wanted for Christmas...and it was funny!! All she wants is to sleep in a bed. (and this isn't just any bed) I think I might help her have her wish. Why you ask? Cause once again, I'm a friend and that is what friends do...and hey...I might just get something out of it as well. I think it would be a wonderful ending to a very eventful semester!!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
But, anywho I'm enjoying my cousin's company while I'm down here; I'm the only girl on my dad's side of the family in my little age group so I get to listen to my cousin's disgusting boyish lives. I must say it is the funniest thing ever. To meet all their little women and look each of them in the eye and think "you are so fucking stupid". One of my favorite past times. I secretly thank them for keeping me on top of mines though. With uncles and cousins all around me it is becoming very rare that Jasmine gets played. I see all the little messed up things they do, and yeah I know it's mean but their family so what can you do? They keep me abreast and yes I still mess up sometimes...you know everyone has their fuck ups every now and then...I'm not perfect lol!!! But I'm usually on top of mine, and have developed quite a craft in maintaining a certain amount of decency in the way I handle guys. It's a guy's world, so all I can do is be a woman in it, and I think I'm doing a very pretty job =)
But, anyway as I was enjoying my wonderful Thanksgiving dinner (I had three plates in 6 hours lol...I obviously enjoyed myself a lot!! I still look good tho so that's all that matters...booyahhh!! lmao) back to my story...I get a text from a certain somebody. Let me just tell you how I hate arguing through texts...I eventually get sucked in but I hate arguing...I don't have time. Call me back when you think about what you did wrong, and your in the right mind set to approach me....okay honey?!?!?! But, anyway once again he texts me with anger in his words. He's feeling some type of way about our status or lack there of. In the heat of the moment I conjured a return text and sent it to the wrong person lol. Embarassed!! But it was all good tho...we laughed it off and kept moving cause we just gots it like that lol.
Back to the situation however, it was entirely avoidable. I informed mister when we started talking that nothing would result from our friendship. Was I wrong? Absolutely not, I informed him from the beginning, I didn't lead him on or play little games at all. However, him being a "boy" he doubts my greatness lol. And what happens when you doubt my greatness you ask? You get shut down. Now he caught feelings and is mad cause I don't feel the same. I'm sorry mister I kindly told you before. I don't have time for stupidity. Not one bit.
Despite all this business I remain humble, I realize the tables could have been completely turned. So I approach every encounter with precaution. It's a cruel cruel world out there and we must act accordingly.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING again...dessert time (and yeah I made a cake from scratch...D.M.R.!!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Back to Sasha Fierce though...Onyx loves when I play it...we drive fast and smooth down 85 on the way to Lenox. I love great riding music and this is it. I even sing with it...not even caring that people are looking at me while we sit in traffic. I'm occupying myself; don't hate cause I can still have fun in traffic lol. Smoochez =)
But about those lyrics...I love them! I'm living the single life and I absolutely love it...LOVE IT!!! However, I don't want to be single forever. That's not me...I want to share my life with someone eventually; I love to share. So that's why I love the lyrics...they represent this little fear inside of me. Of being old and alone. I don't think about it a lot though...it's one of those things that haunts me like once every couple of years lol. Let me stop lying...I actually haven't had this though a lot because usually I'm practicing begin somebody's wife in some serious ass relationship. Enough of that business...I've wifed myself and I don't plan on getting a divorce anytime soon. =) But now I can relate whole-heartedly. I'm a be like Beyonce from now on...when he wants me he'll take action. You can't make a man do anything, when there ready they'll do it!! Go shawty =)
But anyway, I didn't get on to talk about that. I was checking out one of my classmates blogs Vividly Bland!! Go check it out!!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
But listening to our opinions and our statements makes me realize that women, black women as a whole, are really hurting. I've had this talk before about men, and women and it usually turns into an argument that I just end quickly. We, girls, talk and like to think that we have a hold on things, but we're scared at the fact that we might actually not have it.
Our professor started to talk about what our goal in life is...what we expect out of talking to guys, and I was stumped. I have no idea why I'm still talking to guys now if I have no intentions on being in a serious relationship anytime soon. I'm not sexually promiscuous so I know that's not the reason why I'm still talking to them.It really made me sit and think about what I really want? I DON'T KNOW!!! This class forces me to be up front and honest with myself, and I love it. I realize that life and love is a game and I feel that I'm just now starting to play my cards right. In a weird construed way I'm glad that I have been hurt in the past, only for the fact that they have only made me more sure of what I want, and more demanding that I'm going to get it no matter what.
Creativity and Dissidence has made me more aware of my surroundings and my inner self. I am glad that I have this class at this point in my life when I was transitioning from a committed relationship to the single life. Although I love being single, deep down inside I am petrified of being alone. But this class has taught me that in actuality, I am never actually alone. I don't need a guy in my life to make me feel complete. They should complement my being, not make it whole. My creativity and my uniqueness towards life and in it should remind me that I am not alone. You have to be a friend to yourself, before you extend yourself to anyone else. I am in the process of mastering this crucial point in life, and I am quite proud of my progress.
2. facebook...I finally got facebook mobile to work...we are in trouble world!!
3. Sprite...it tastes much better when it's from the fountain or a bottle...the
can is my last resort!!
4. dancing...I really love to do it and I'm quite good if you ask me lol
5. music...I love it point blank!!!
6. being in love/like...this is a controversial topic being that I'm single and all
but it never fails that I see a cute boy that catches my eye...that's where the
like begins...and love will not follow anytime soon hehe.
7. shopping...due to unforeseen circumstances (TUITION) this hasn't been on the top
of my list but when it is watch the fuck out world cause I go in hard.
8. texting...I have my QWERTY keyboard now lol...I'll probably have carpal tunnel
9. talking about myself...I have this magical power of always incorporating myself
in something lol.
10.I have two others...well one I enjoy I'm not addicted to it lol...and the other
yeah I'm addicted...I go through withdrawal when I can't have it lol...but life
goes on nonetheless.
I'll probably update it as I continue on with life =)
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Part two of my excursion today at Cumberland Mall started when we were about to leave. We were walking downstairs when we started to here this girl scream. At first, I was like whatever you know you always here people being loud but this chick was being absolutely belligerent. People were stopping and being the nosey person I am, as well as Brittany, we both stopped trying to get a good look. The girl was upstairs though so we really didn't see anything. So just like any other nosey person, we ended our way upstairs but everything was back to normal. A little mad we didn't catch any action we headed to the door again. But, ironically she was walking out the same door we were walking out off. (We knew it was her because security was right on her ass...yes) So what did we do? We followed, and partly cause our car was outside too lol...but we probably would have went anyway. So we walked to our car and saw Cobb County police arrive, and I knew we were in for a show. So we ended up where they were, conveniently parked the car, and watched in fascination. I'm pretty much one of the most curious nosey people you will ever meet lol...so yeah there we were, windows rolled down and everything. I was able to take some pictures so you could see the extremities that this girls had caused. I gathered through my research that she was probably shoplifting and used a black guy as a decoy lol. It didn't work cause everything was on tape. Yeah, we heard pretty much everything. After like 15 minutes we had got a little too comfortable and the security guard approached our car, and since I'm basically attached too my phone he thought I was taping it...haha. I must admit I was pretty scared...but I can get out of pretty much anything and he left us alone. It ended up getting pretty boring so we left, but I just love unexpected turns in life. It's not very often you see a white girl handcuffed in a cop car while a black guy is roaming around it calling up everybody to tell them what happened. Priceless!!!
I always tell myself when I wake up I'm going to go straight to my room after class and do my work. It pretty much has never worked...or I get in my room and sit at my computer (perfect example...right now) but anyway today's excursion was to Cumberland Mall. Brittany had coupons there so what better way to satisfy our dessert craving then with a bun of gooey perfection. I am true believer that food can make any stress subside temporarily, and the Cinnabon did the trick. I really didn't care about anything else at the moment, we sat for a little and enjoyed everything that the bun had to offer. It was perfect...I love bonding time with my friends =). Last night Vicki Sec's and I had a little pow wow...and my hair is in Spelman effect lol. Thanks Vicki!! But back to the bun... couldn't finish it all so I saved it as I do with basically everything I eat. I can never finish a full meal. But, we both decided we wanted to explore the new Forever 21 there, and I a little sad I wasn't there on Friday when it opened because I feel like I missed out on a monumental event. I walked in the store and almost had an orgasm. It was an exhilarating experience. I love Forever, but usually there messy and cluttered and I hate shopping in those conditions. But this particular one was so big you could freely walk between the racks, and it was bright with the pretty little sparkly tiles that I love (when I build my first home I'm going to have those tiles somewhere in my house). The store was two floors and I feel in love at first sight. I even made a friend that worked there. I was happily eating some more of my cinnabon and Brittany was telling me a story. I wasn't really listening because I was engulfed with the goo on my fingers...I LOVE cinnabons can't you tell. But, this guy was apparently asking me if it was good, and I didn't hear anything lol until Brittany interrupted me and my bun lol. We both laughed cause I was basically caught being a fat ass, but it was all worth it. I love good, personal customer service lol. I know for a fact I will be a dedicated customer, despite this whole tax business on clothes. As a Jersey girl I don't think I'll ever understand. But I must say my excursion today was well worth it!!
So...this is what I ran into last night...hell yea. I remember when gas was this price when twenty dollars actually gave you more than half a tank. Actually twenty dollars almost fills me up and that is something truly amazing. This picture was taken in Stone Mountain unfortunately. I was at Ambriah's g-mom's house for dinner...yay...good times. But yeah I'm living in the moment and the fact that a trip to the gas station won't be so deadly to my wallet. Now we can all live happily ever after once again.
Rosa Parks sat so Martin Luther King could walk, Martin Luther King walked so Obama could run, Obama ran so we all can fly...
Monday, November 10, 2008
So I guess this is the end of another "love" story in Jasmine's life again. I have been through two of the most serious relationships of my life and I am only 19. This evening marked the official end of number two, and I am not quite sure about how I feel about it. I take pride in the fact that I am a completely honest young lady and have the wonderful ability of being able to see multiple points of view in most situations. So back to my thoughts...I know for a fact that I am still in love with him and it pisses me the hell of that he decided to shut me out of his life. I didn't realize how hard he was struggling with being single because I was actually enjoying it but I guess it's not for everybody. I had intentions on enjoying the single life and hopefully one day maybe possibly getting back with him. (that might sound conceited and self-centered...but remember I am an honest being) But due to the fact he never plans on getting back with me I guess I shall have to continue on with life as I have been doing. I honestly feel that my life should be turned into a book or a movie or something, and I am quite sure you will agree with me at one point or another.
But back to my dilemma... I sought out some manly advice from a trusted friend of mine...I will call him Pluto lol... and he replied that my past love will probably not get over me. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing to be quite honest. I have analyzed myself over and over again trying to decide if I am actually in love or just love the fact that someone loves me. (the life of a black girl lol) I came close to a conclusion and it's sort of leaning for the worst. That is why I must stay single so I will not corrupt another young man's mind. The next time I get into a relationship...or a serious one for that matter...marriage will be in the near future.