Sunday, August 1, 2010
I'm in a pretty fucked up mood. What makes it even worse is that I'll end up just having to get over it, until it happens again. This blog used to make me feel so much better. It still works luckily. Writing my thoughts down has ALWAYS helped me. Like keeping it in my head is physically painful. When I'm mad or hurt my head starts pounding. I never really experienced headaches, and that is probably why. I'm beginning to really see how much I overextend myself for the happiness of others. I do it ALL the time. I will inconvenience myself to make others comfortable. But no one ever does it for me. For once I would love to not have to worry about everyone else's happiness. Can someone go out there way for me. Can I get a surprise one day. Can I just really be caught off guard and really feel like someone took time out of there day to make sure Jasmine Charnelle has a smile on her face. I'm beginning to think that is something I will never see...because it's becoming obvious that I am the only one that can make me happy. now I just have to implement it.
When you feel like you've been treated unfairly, and the person doesn't even really seem to care. You try really hard to act like nothing's wrong. You keep my mouth shut cause you already know how the conversation is going to end. You already know the person doesn't seem to think that anything is wrong. It gets so absolutely frustrating. You know that it is unfair for you to sit in silence while the person keeps doing the same thing over and over again. A year is a long time, and honestly I am just getting a little fed up. I shouldn't have to sit with my lip hanging knowing that nothing is going to change. Something else has gotta give. I've been giving for too long.