Monday, February 23, 2009

Not Gonna Lie to Myself

As much as I want to suppress my feelings and act like it's not bothering me, Man is still running through my head. I've never been rejected before until like two weeks ago, and I don't like it one bit. It sucks lol. I realize he might actually be reading this but honestly I don't care because I've never been one to hide my feelings; he was the only exception. I have a habit of daydreaming. I tend to take things and turn them into beautiful little fairytales in hopes of living them out. Sad, naive, whatever you'd like to call it, yes I am a convict of it. I plead guilty. It's so much fun honestly lol, when your in class, or when your bored; that's when I tend to started daydreaming. Daydreaming however has a tendency to make you blend reality, and fiction. So when reality hits your ass in the face, you come crashing down to the ground in fascination and confusion. Like what the fuck?! I just don't understand.
So yeah, I've been happy nonetheless, I kicked the whole feeling incomplete without a "friend" to the curb a long long time ago. I just really liked, appreciated, welcomed the company lol. Got a little used to it; comfortable I should say, and everyone hates to be uncomfortable I sure do. But what was bugging me and continues to bug me is that I feel slighted. Like I didn't get a chance; but I realize that that mindset is from the heart of Jasmine. So I must admit it, because we all know the heart and the mind tend to think differently. The mind of Jasmine is saying he played you so move on; confusion in my little world.
Back to my chance, because I felt obligated to hide everything about me from him, I put on a front we'll call it, it wasn't me so how could he appreciate me when it was a front all along. Sucks doesn't it? Yes, it does.
Being in the predicament I'm in; being the one that got cut off if I could choose to move on I would, but I am an unideal person in an unideal world, so ideally that could never work. What is a girl supposed to do? My answer is be happy enjoy life, and don't wait for anyone. If a guy really wants you they will pursue you by any means necessary so don't get caught up in the ideal world you created for comfort.

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