Thursday, February 12, 2009

I hate the grey area!!!


This is probably going to be one of the most elementary blogs I have ever posted. I wasn't going to for fear of someone seeing it, but honestly who cares. I'm really serious about being upfront from now on. So I like this boy, but I don't really know how he feels about me. I mean I know he is attracted to me..but what the hell does that do for anybody. I feel like I'm a science project sometimes...being studied and all that, when I just want to have fun and enjoy myself. Why all the extra business to figure me out...especially when you can never give a girl your all anyway, and marriage isn't even an option. Like I could understand if I was a potential soulmate or something, but it doesn't even seem to be an option so why all the fuss lol. I might sound like a bitch...but I'm being honest. It just doesn't make sense to me, and I want to tell him but I can't I really just don't know...and since I've never really been rejected before I'm playing the game. (Which I usually do so I don't get played haha) But, I don't feel like it anymore...it's getting played out. I want something different, something less stressful, something more mature. Being scared and all that stuff just makes me feel like I'm stunting myself, and not being honest with my feelings. Why should I have to hold my feelings back for comfort of others. Why can't I just like you and it be accepted. It gets annoying after a while. I feel like I sound angry which I'm not. Just frustrated a bit because things aren't going like I want them to go. Which is ok because I realize I need to get the spoiled mentality out of my head because I'm bound to be disappointed a lot more in life, and over much more serious things. So, yeah I have this urge to just blurt everything all out but he's so quiet about everything I feel like I'm giving in. Muy complicado!!! I even talked to my mom about it, and she couldn't give me a real response. Well, I mean she gave me one but I won't repeat it haha. I've talked to my friends about it, and even they're confused...so I'm kinda starting to realize that it's not me for once. After this blog however I'm letting it ride honestly because I have been giving it too much of my time lol. I have much more serious things to be worrying about like am I really going to graduate from Spelman College?

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